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Mindfulness for Those Who Hate Mindfulness

Writer's picture: Nick PigeonNick Pigeon

Presence


In the 1978 bookThe Tracker, Tom Brown Jr. describes a critical truth about survival: panic is the enemy. In a life-or-death situation, it’s not sheer strength or skill that saves you—it’s your ability to stay calm, observe, and recall what you already know. The difference between survival and disaster is often focus—what you fill your mind with in the moment, not how well you suppress your thoughts.



Being Mindful


Contemporary mindfulness tells us to clear our minds, to sit still and observe thoughts pass by. For those familiar with DBT, you can recall "What" and "How" skills. But what if you’re the type of person who hates that? What if mindfulness isn’t about emptying your mind, but engaging it in a way that actually helps you navigate the world?


Holistic wellness isn’t just about the mind—it integrates mind, body, and spirit. The science of the nervous system (mind) gives us a framework for how focus affects our state. Movement-based mindfulness (body) provides an alternative to stillness, whether through running, yoga, tai-chi, or even just walking the dog. And practices like Lectio Divina (spirit) show how structured reflection can be a powerful tool for awareness and presence.


The Science: Polyvagal Theory and Engaged Focus


Why does structured focus work better than passive mindfulness for some people? Enter Polyvagal Theory, which explains how our nervous system regulates our response to the world:

  • The sympathetic nervous system (fight-or-flight) kicks in under stress or danger.

  • The parasympathetic nervous system (rest-and-digest) helps us feel safe, present, and engaged.


Many of us who hate mindfulness tend to spend a lot of time in this sympathetic response. This could be due to a high stress work environment, past or present trauma, or something as simple as a few-too-many-cups-of-coffee, but whatever our personal reasons for being there is unique to us.



polyvagal chart

For those who lean towards sympathetic activation, cultivating a sense of presence and engagement can be a tough journey. It might be helpful to think of it as a practice, similar to yoga or meditation. It's not about flipping a switch but rather about gently guiding your nervous system towards a more regulated state.


Within the parasympathetic realm, we can distinguish between two distinct states:

  • Dorsal Vagal Shutdown: This state might be characterized by feelings of numbness, disconnection, or low energy. It can be a protective mechanism when the nervous system feels overwhelmed. This is often where we are when we feel burnout.

  • Ventral Vagal Engagement: This state is characterized by a sense of groundedness, alertness, and connection. It allows for social engagement and a feeling of safety and well-being. This is our ideal space to be when we are trying to cultivate mindfulnes skills.


If you find yourself frequently leaning towards dorsal vagal or sympathetic responses, it doesn't mean you're stuck there. The first step might involve becoming more mindful of your internal state, particularly during moments of sympathetic activation. By noticing the subtle cues of your body and mind, you can begin to explore practices that support a shift towards ventral vagal engagement. This might involve techniques such as breathwork, mindfulness meditation, gentle movement, or spending time in nature.


Remember, the goal is not to judge your nervous system's responses but to cultivate a deeper understanding of its nuances and support its natural capacity for regulation.


This is where engaged focus comes in. If traditional mindfulness makes you feel restless or detached, you may benefit from active mindfulness—channeling attention into reading, movement, or structured contemplation.


Mindful Movement & Moments


William Pullen, in Running with Mindfulness, describes how rhythmic movement can create this engaged state. Running, like yoga or tai chi, provides a physical anchor for focus, allowing the mind to settle not by suppressing thoughts, but by directing them. The same principle applies to any structured practice that invites awareness without forcing stillness.


Here are a few resources for people who are interested in mindful movement that I have personally found useful:



Lectio Divina: Mindfulness Through Deep Reading


Lectio Divina, a practice from early Christian monastic tradition, is a structured way to focus the mind without demanding silence or stillness. Monks used it for scripture, but it can be applied to any text. Instead of trying to empty the mind, it’s about immersing it in meaningful reflection:

  1. Lectio (Reading) – Read a passage slowly and deliberately.

  2. Meditatio (Meditation) – Think deeply about its meaning, turning it over in your mind.

  3. Oratio (Response) – Engage with it actively, responding in thought or prayer.

  4. Contemplatio (Contemplation) – Let it settle in, allowing it to shape your understanding.

You don’t have to be religious to use this. A passage from philosophy, poetry, or even a meaningful quote can become a focal point. The key is that it fills your mind with something structured, rather than trying to empty it.


Further Resources:

Insight Timer App


Mindfulness That Fills, Not Empties


For those who hate mindfulness, this is the alternative. Instead of trying to quiet the mind, fill it—with meaningful words, with movement, with knowledge that keeps you grounded. Whether it’s the science of Polyvagal Theory, the physical presence of movement, or the structured reflection of Lectio Divina, mindfulness isn’t about detachment. It’s about engagement.


If sitting still and clearing your mind has never worked for you, maybe that’s not what you need. Maybe you need to read, move, reflect—not empty your head, but fill it with what actually matters.



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